Introducing a sex toy for couples into your intimate life does not mean that something is missing. It can simply become a new way to play, discover each other and share different sensations.
For two people, the best sex toy is not necessarily the most sophisticated or the most powerful. It is the one that suits both partners' desires, fits naturally into your intimacy and makes you want to explore it together.
So how do you choose a sex toy for couples without turning a moment of curiosity into a headache? Here are the essential criteria for making a comfortable, confident and shared choice.
Why use a sex toy as a couple?
A sex toy can enrich a couple's sex life in many ways. It can help vary sensations, discover new forms of stimulation or simply introduce a playful element into intimate moments.
But its value also lies elsewhere: choosing a sex toy together can open up a conversation about what each of you wants. What intrigues you? What would you like to try? Which sensations do you prefer? Are there, on the contrary, practices that do not appeal to you?
These conversations can become an enjoyable part of the experience. A sex toy does not replace a partner. Instead, it becomes an additional accessory that can support connection and shared pleasure.
Start by talking about what you want
Before choosing a model, take a few minutes to talk together. You do not need to draw up a highly detailed list. A few simple questions may be enough:
- Are you mainly looking to discover something new?
- Do you prefer gentle or more intense stimulation?
- Would you like to use the sex toy during sex or mainly during foreplay?
- Would one partner like to be able to control the toy?
- Are you looking for a discreet accessory or a more playful experience?
There is no right answer. What matters most is that each person can express their desires and boundaries without pressure.
SoPigalle tip: if you are discovering sex toys together, start with an accessory that sparks curiosity for both partners rather than a very specialised model.
What type of sex toy should a couple choose?
Several main families of sex toys are particularly well suited to shared pleasure.
External vibrator
This is often one of the easiest choices for getting started. A small external vibrator can be used on different areas of the body and is easy to incorporate into caresses. Its main advantage is versatility. It lets you discover vibrations gradually without imposing one specific way of using it.
Couples vibrator
Some sex toys are specifically designed to be used by two people, including during intercourse. Their shape can stimulate different areas while still leaving both partners plenty of freedom of movement. They can take a little more getting used to than a classic vibrator, but they can offer a very intimate shared experience.
Vibrating ring
Compact and generally easy to use, a vibrating ring is a popular choice for couples discovering sex toys together. Depending on the model, both partners may feel the vibrations. Its discreet format and intuitive operation make it an interesting option for a first experience.
Remote-controlled sex toy
Toys with a remote control or app add a particularly playful dimension. One partner can control the vibrations while the other enjoys the sensations. This introduces a form of play based on surprise, attention and trust.
Sensory accessories
Not every sex toy for couples vibrates. Masks, massage accessories and objects designed for sensory play can offer a very gentle way to refresh intimacy. They can help you play with anticipation and different bodily sensations.
If you are still unsure which type of product might suit you, see our guide How to choose your first sex toy.
For a first experience, keep it simple
Modern sex toys can offer a wide range of programs, apps and settings. But when you are getting started, simplicity is often preferable.
A model with a few easy-to-adjust intensity levels lets you focus more on the sensations than on figuring out how the device works.
Three criteria can help guide you:
Intuitive controls. The buttons should be easy to use, even in low light.
Progressive intensity levels. Starting gently allows each person to discover what they prefer.
A comfortable format. The sex toy should be easy to handle without getting in the way of movement or closeness between partners.
Choose a pleasant material that is easy to care for
Build quality is an important criterion. For parts designed to come into contact with the body, choose materials intended for this use and that are easy to clean.
Quality silicone is very common in sex toys and generally feels soft and pleasant to the touch. Depending on the product, other materials may also be suitable for different uses.
Before buying, check the manufacturer's instructions, cleaning recommendations, water resistance, charging method and lubricant compatibility.
To learn more, read our article on which materials to choose for a sex toy.
Lubricant can make all the difference
Lubricant is often an excellent companion for sex toys. It can improve comfort and make movement more pleasant.
For a silicone sex toy, a water-based lubricant is generally the simplest choice, subject to the manufacturer's recommendations. A few drops may be enough.
Our guide Water-based or silicone lubricant: how to choose? will help you check compatibility with your accessory.
Think about noise too
It is a criterion people do not always consider before buying. Yet noise level can have a real impact on the experience.
In a Paris apartment, with a bedroom close to the living room or walls that are not always as thick as those of a grand townhouse, discretion can matter.
If this is important to you, favour models described as quiet and check the specifications provided by the manufacturer.
What about power?
More powerful does not necessarily mean more pleasurable. Some people prefer deep, intense vibrations, while others enjoy lighter and more progressive sensations.
For a first couples sex toy, it is often best to choose a model with several intensity levels. Start low, then increase gradually according to what feels good for both of you.
Should you choose it together?
In most cases, yes. Choosing the sex toy can even become the first part of the game.
You can browse different categories together and simply notice each other's reactions: “That one intrigues me”, “I like this shape more”, “I would prefer something more discreet”.
These small comments often make it easy to understand what appeals to each person. And if you would like to give a sex toy to your partner, simply make sure the idea matches their desires.
Consent remains at the heart of the experience
A sex toy does not change the fundamental rules of intimacy. Everyone should be able to say yes, no, softer or stop at any time.
Something that feels appealing one day may not feel right the next. That freedom is an essential part of a relaxed and healthy sex life.
The conversation can be very simple: “Do you like it like this?”, “Softer?”, “Shall we continue?”. A few words are often enough.
How to use a couples sex toy for the first time
You do not necessarily need to build an exceptional evening around your first use. Spontaneity often works better.
Start by discovering the sex toy together. Look at the controls, test the vibrations in your hand and explore the different intensity levels. You can then gradually incorporate it into caresses.
Explore. Change. Stop. Start again. Curiosity is often more rewarding than trying to perform.
Cleaning your sex toy after use
Good care helps protect both hygiene and the life of the product. Instructions can vary between models, so it is important to follow the manufacturer's recommendations.
- Switch off the sex toy after use.
- Clean the washable part with a suitable product.
- Rinse it when the manufacturer allows it.
- Dry the sex toy carefully.
- Store it in a clean, dry place, ideally in its own pouch.
Always check its waterproof rating before immersing it. Splash-resistant and fully waterproof do not mean the same thing.
Find our detailed advice in How to clean and store a sex toy properly.
What budget should you plan for a couples sex toy?
Sex toys are available across a wide range of prices. Cost depends in particular on the material, motor, build quality, battery life and features.
For a first purchase, it is better to choose a quality product that genuinely suits what you want rather than paying for lots of unnecessary functions. A simple sex toy you use regularly is usually a better choice than an extremely sophisticated model that stays in its box.
5 criteria to remember before choosing
- Do we both want to try it?
- Does the way it is used match what we are looking for?
- Does the format seem comfortable to us?
- Are the settings simple and progressive?
- Is the product easy to clean and store?
If the answer to all five is yes, you are probably on the right track.
FAQ: choosing a sex toy for couples
What sex toy should we choose for our first experience as a couple?
A small external vibrator, a vibrating ring or a simple model designed for shared pleasure can be a good first choice. Above all, choose a sex toy that is intuitive, comfortable and offers several intensity levels.
What is the best sex toy for couples?
There is no single best sex toy for everyone. The right model is the one that suits both partners' desires, their stimulation preferences and the way they want to use it together.
Can you use a sex toy during intercourse?
Some models are specifically designed to be used during intercourse, while others are better suited to caresses or foreplay. Always check the manufacturer's instructions for use.
Which lubricant should you use with a sex toy?
A water-based lubricant is generally a versatile option. However, always check the manufacturer's recommendations, especially when the sex toy is made from silicone.
How do you suggest using a sex toy with your partner?
Present the idea as an invitation to discover something together, without pressure. Talking about curiosity, play and shared sensations often makes the subject feel natural.
What to remember
Choosing a sex toy for couples is above all about connection.
The ideal model is neither the most impressive nor the one that promises the most features. It is the one that makes you both want to discover it together.
Talk about what you want, start simply, prioritise comfort and give yourselves permission to explore at your own pace.
Because in the end, the most interesting part may not be the sex toy itself. It is the conversation, curiosity and new sensations it can inspire between you.
SoPigalle tip: make your first choice a shared moment. Browse the models together and choose the one that makes both of you have the same reaction: “That one, I want to try it with you.”