The inclusive sex education we deserved
For a long time, sex education was limited to a few embarrassed lessons on reproduction, sexually transmitted infections, and contraception. Indispensable information, of course, but terribly incomplete.
We were taught how to avoid certain risks, but rarely how to inhabit our bodies. We were told about sexual intercourse, but much less about sensations, desire, consent, or pleasure. As for identities, orientations, bodily differences, and the multiple ways of experiencing intimacy, they often remained absent from the conversation.
The inclusive sex education we deserved should have answered our real questions. The ones we didn't dare to ask. The ones that arise in adolescence, but also much later, as bodies, relationships, and desires evolve.
At SoPigalle, we believe that truly useful sex education does not seek to impose a way of desiring or loving. It provides benchmarks to better know oneself, communicate better, and make freer choices.
Education that goes beyond prevention
Preventing unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections is essential. But sexual health is not limited to the absence of disease or danger.
It also involves well-being, confidence, the ability to express one's boundaries, and the possibility of experiencing chosen intimacy. It requires understanding one's body, but also knowing how to recognize what attracts us, what reassures us, and what makes us uncomfortable.
Inclusive sex education should be able to explain that desire is not always spontaneous. That it can appear gradually, vary over time, or temporarily disappear. It should remind us that one can love someone without desiring sexuality, feel pleasure without achieving orgasm, or change preferences over time.
There is no universal rhythm or user manual valid for everyone.
Learning to know one's own body
Many people discover their anatomy through a partner's gaze, images shared online, or often unrealistic representations. However, knowing one's body should be one of the first lessons in sex education.
This means being able to name the different parts of one's anatomy, understand how they work, and observe one's own sensations without shame. It also means knowing that not all bodies are alike and that they do not need to conform to an aesthetic norm to be desirable.
Knowledge of the body helps to distinguish a pleasant sensation from discomfort, to understand what brings pleasure, and to identify pain that deserves medical attention.
Above all, it allows one to gradually become the best person to talk about one's own body.
Consent as a conversation
Consent should never be presented as a formality or as a question asked only once. It is a conversation that can evolve at each stage of an experience.
True consent must be free, informed, specific, and reversible. Saying yes to a kiss does not automatically mean accepting what follows. Having done something before does not mean wanting to do it again. Being in a couple does not create any permanent obligation.
A person can hesitate, slow down, ask for a break, or change their mind. They do not have to justify themselves.
Learning to ask "Do you want to?", "Do you like this?", or "Do you want me to continue?" does not make intimacy less spontaneous. On the contrary, these questions can create more safety, trust, and complicity.
A sincere yes is only valuable when no is truly possible.
Also talking about pleasure
Pleasure is still too often absent from discussions about sex education. As if it were secondary, embarrassing, or reserved for certain people.
However, talking about pleasure allows us to move away from a purely mechanical view of sexuality. It helps us understand that intimacy is not limited to penetration and that orgasm is neither an obligation nor the only proof that an experience was successful.
Pleasure can come from a touch, a look, a word, a feeling of closeness, or a sense of security. It can be shared or experienced solo. It can be intense, discreet, physical, emotional, or sometimes absent.
Inclusive sex education should teach us to explore without comparing ourselves and not to turn pleasure into a performance goal.
The most important thing is not to do it "the right way", but to be able to listen to one's own sensations and those of the other.
Representing all identities and all relationships
Inclusive sex education does not assume that everyone is heterosexual, cisgender, able-bodied, in a couple, or interested in the same practices.
It recognizes the diversity of sexual orientations, gender identities, gender expressions, anatomies, and relationship forms. It does not reduce a person to their body and does not presume their practices based on their appearance or identity.
It also reminds us that some people feel little or no sexual attraction, while others experience their desire in a fluctuating way. All these experiences deserve to be heard without being immediately judged, corrected, or medicalized.
Being inclusive is not about creating a multitude of new boxes. It is about leaving enough space for everyone to define themselves, evolve, or not define themselves at all.
Deconstructing roles and performances
Much of our intimate representations are still based on very rigid scenarios. One person should always take the initiative. Another should be available, seductive, or receptive. Desire should be immediate. Bodies should function perfectly. Every encounter should end in orgasm.
These expectations create pressure and sometimes distance us from our real sensations.
More comprehensive sex education should teach us that no one has to play an imposed role. It is possible to be proactive one day and prefer to be guided the next. It is possible to need time, gentleness, words, or silence.
Fulfilling intimacy is not measured by its duration, frequency, or the number of practices experienced. It is built on listening, trust, and the freedom to prove nothing.
Knowing how to recognize discomfort and ask for help
Sex education must also provide benchmarks for identifying concerning situations.
Pain should never be considered a normal stage to endure. Fear, pressure, blackmail, insistence, or guilt are not forms of seduction. Silence, shock, or lack of resistance do not constitute consent.
Everyone should know that it is legitimate to ask for help, consult a health professional, or turn to a specialized organization.
Information found online can open up reflection, but it does not replace medical support when the question concerns pain, a symptom, treatment, trauma, or a situation of violence.
Lifelong education
We sometimes tend to think that sex education only concerns adolescents. However, our relationship with our body and desire evolves continuously.
A new relationship, a separation, pregnancy, illness, treatment, menopause, aging, or a life change can alter sensations and expectations. Even in a long-standing relationship, it is still possible to discover new needs and learn to communicate better.
It is never too late to understand something we were not told. It is never too late to set a boundary, explore differently, or reinvent our intimacy.
Key takeaways
The inclusive sex education we deserved would not have given us a single recipe for pleasure or love. It would have given us a language to talk about our bodies, emotions, boundaries, and desires.
It would have taught us that consent is a conversation, that pleasure cannot be commanded, and that not everyone experiences their sexuality in the same way.
At SoPigalle, we advocate for a curious, conscious, and free sexuality, free from any obligation of performance. A sexuality in which it is possible to learn, experiment, slow down, and change one's mind.
Because freer intimacy rarely starts with a perfect answer. It often starts with a question we finally feel allowed to ask.
Frequently Asked Questions about Inclusive Sex Education
What is inclusive sex education?
It is an education that addresses health, consent, pleasure, emotions, and relationships without assuming a single orientation, identity, anatomy, or couple model.
Why should pleasure be part of sex education?
Talking about pleasure helps to better understand one's body, express one's preferences, and move away from a vision focused solely on risks or performance. Pleasure remains personal and is never an obligation.
Can consent be withdrawn during an experience?
Yes. Consent is reversible at any time. A person can slow down, ask for a break, refuse a practice, or change their mind without having to justify themselves.